Chuck Norris is My Co-Pilot

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever!

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. (We all know his "fighter's diet")

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered choke is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1 of Chuck Norris's farts..

Chuck Norris’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris and Dan Black walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if that woodchuck was Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in California have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chuck Sized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

I heard he has never lost a sock.

I also heard he can pee his name in concrete.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Apparently, Chuck Norris doesn't pay for any of his meals, people pay him to eat with them.

I heard Chuck chokes squirell necks

I saw Chuck Norris slam a revolving door....

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.

Chuck Norris Doesnt Read Books - He stares Them Down Until He Get The Information He Wants

Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to turn the light off before he goes to bed he is in his bed before the room goes dark

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch because he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there is no life there

Blabber Fletch Boss

RIOT!!!!!!!

My Band Plays OAKTOWN Jan 14!!!

Hosted By: Aaron Fletcher
When: Wednesday Jan 14, 2009
at 8:00 PM
Where The UPTOWN
Oakland, CA 94612
United States
Description:
Aaron Fletcher

Click Here To View Event

Obama's Tax Plan

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all
ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes,
it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every
day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the
owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he
said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by
$20.'Drinks
for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so
the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could
they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair
share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they
subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the
sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar
owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by
roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each
should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings) .
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings) .
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men
began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He
pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man.
'I only saved a dollar,
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I did!'

'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man.
'Why should he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We
didn't get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine
sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the
bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough
money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists, liberals, and college
professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the
highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too
much, or attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up
anymore.
In fact, they
might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat
friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

New Band Page Up!

myspace.com/saverdestroyer

New Band Page Up!

myspace.com/saverdestroyer

Ahhhhh, The Bliss of Domestic Familiarity