FletchMonster

Chuck Norris is My Co-Pilot

2009-04-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever!

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. (We all know his "fighter's diet")

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered choke is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1 of Chuck Norris's farts..

Chuck Norris’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris and Dan Black walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if that woodchuck was Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in California have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chuck Sized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

I heard he has never lost a sock.

I also heard he can pee his name in concrete.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Apparently, Chuck Norris doesn't pay for any of his meals, people pay him to eat with them.

I heard Chuck chokes squirell necks

I saw Chuck Norris slam a revolving door....

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.

Chuck Norris Doesnt Read Books - He stares Them Down Until He Get The Information He Wants

Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to turn the light off before he goes to bed he is in his bed before the room goes dark

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch because he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there is no life there

Blabber Fletch Boss

2009-02-23T00:13:00.000-08:00

2009-01-08T09:40:00.001-08:00

RIOT!!!!!!!

My Band Plays OAKTOWN Jan 14!!!

2008-12-30T14:27:00.000-08:00

Hosted By: Aaron Fletcher
When: Wednesday Jan 14, 2009
at 8:00 PM
Where The UPTOWN
Oakland, CA 94612
United States
Description:
Aaron Fletcher

Click Here To View Event

Obama's Tax Plan

2008-11-25T14:28:00.001-08:00

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all
ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes,
it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every
day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the
owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he
said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by
$20.'Drinks
for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so
the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could
they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair
share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they
subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the
sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar
owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by
roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each
should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings) .
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings) .
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men
began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He
pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man.
'I only saved a dollar,
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I did!'

'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man.
'Why should he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We
didn't get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine
sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the
bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough
money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists, liberals, and college
professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the
highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too
much, or attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up
anymore.
In fact, they
might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat
friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

New Band Page Up!

2008-11-22T13:43:00.001-08:00

myspace.com/saverdestroyer

New Band Page Up!

2008-11-22T13:43:00.000-08:00

myspace.com/saverdestroyer

Ahhhhh, The Bliss of Domestic Familiarity

2008-11-06T11:14:00.000-08:00

Doggie Sweater Pajama Party......ouch!

2008-10-30T14:20:00.001-07:00

THAI TEA ANYRUN?!?!!?

2008-10-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

Tough Monday

2008-10-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

Felt like I was hauling but only 7:30 mile pace.

iMapMyRun Oct 27, 2008 1:17 PM
Find more Runs in Berkeley, California

Oops, I did it again

2008-10-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?nid=lwXABdAhKqN14E3gA2WTYTM0NDM1NTM-&referred_by=11738384-7kcVNUx

ending the week with a quickie

2008-10-24T15:29:00.001-07:00

Nolo to Aquatic Park 2.75 er
Find more Runs in Berkeley, California

SHOWDOWN AT THE BEER JENGA SALOON...

2008-10-23T11:09:00.001-07:00

Ouch, ran with small, fast fellow named Leonard

2008-10-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

iMapMyRun Oct 22, 2008 12:55 PM
Find more Runs in Berkeley, California

ouch redux

2008-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

I trained Jiu Jitsu again today with Jake....

Boy was it great when I stepped the mat (which happened to be full of professional fighters), looked down and shuttered as the macabre memory rushed in my head: My toe nails are orange-sparkle! This in itself begs questions, even in my own head and any passers by had their suspicions of man grappling's orientation confirmed (sorry Jake).

Anyway, I got slaughtered and liked it! My "simmer slowly" fitness strategy of 3-4 yoga, running and biking sessions weekly kept me alive...barley.

In other news, Liz will kill herself is she has to sit stranded in our haunted cabin for another minute. Somone, please hire her, shes actually quite talented and easy on the eyes to boot!

Great evening run last night with Lizzie:

iMapMyRun Oct 20, 2008 7:02 PM
Find more Runs in Walnut Creek, California

Let's Run this Biaccchhhh!!

2008-10-15T12:57:00.001-07:00

iMapMyRun Oct 15, 2008 12:38 PM
Find more Runs in Berkeley, California

Where Only Clifton Dares

2008-10-15T10:01:00.001-07:00

FletchMonster's Total Apps for iPhone 3G Fave's...

2008-10-15T09:43:00.001-07:00

These are, like, the best apps for the iPhone 3G:

1. iMapMyRun- coordinated with mapmyrun.com. gets best reviews among GPS apps. works great for biking as well. my profile
2. Urban spoon- awesome interface for dining out

3. Brain tuner- Great way to blow dust off alchaholically damaged cells and things

4. Facemelter- make your friends look fatter than you!

5. Pandora- plus your iphone into your favorite docking station and your guests will think you have taste!

6. iLighter- infinitely handier than a bic next time night ranger hits your local pool hall...

7. Ambiance- Fall asleep to the sounds of craw fish and lightning bugs (neither of which make sounds) every night- even if you live in East Oakland!

8. Holdem- great interface.

9. yelp= yelp (must have).

10. Imidgetfucker*

11. iSpearstracker- uses standard GPS interface to plot safest route home while avoiding path from the mission to pacific heights, from 1-4 AM...

12. ibirthdatecalculator- great for bars- you enter in your (stated) age and the iphone calculates your birth date (GR developed this one)!

*still in mini beta...

Grand Opening of Shields/Graciefighter Academy!

2008-10-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

Great to see and train with Jake, Monte, Bill, Takis et all (even though I got murdered).

Genetic Gifts Passed On....

2006-05-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

Spears Experiences Rare Encounter With H2O...

2006-05-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

Honrey lil fucker, aint he?!.....

2006-05-25T16:05:00.000-07:00

Words, Stuff and Things

2006-05-25T15:55:00.000-07:00

Quite often actually......

anyway, there was no fight. Whole f&cking event was casncelled by CSAC for lack of sanctioned bouts (licensed fighters). What a crock o' assgrizzle....

GR was in town from BA.. great time, advanced liver aging throughout the lot of us. Um, oh!- i got a new job at www.nolo.com. Very cool company with great staff, philisophy and carpet. So that's pretty cool. I want a motorcycle for the commute (i know, motorcoffin, death machine, etc) and I shall have one.

I have been running with Liz in lieu of jiu jitsu, still sick of man-sweat. um...I am tired, Wheeler came out to the WC last night- an event that requires 48 hours of recover, standard. Liz is still hot, Parkie is good, I am tan and drunk. Life= good!

4/whatever- MONDAY

2006-04-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, I ate clean, bought a scale, drank alot of "light" beer (they got ligher w/each sip), chilled, helped friends move, had fun with Parkie doodle... and thought about the fight. non-stop. Cool though. Jake called me from HAwaii after winning the ROTR WORLD TITLE to check on the training and schedule one last week of serious ass whuppins..... Monday I taught JJ then rolled with Canadian Mike for whie, rested and then did a GREAT mtn bike ride, pushed it to the point of lightheadednesssssss (word?) and chilled with Jason and Jeff... weight 218, WILL BE 215 by Next Monday.... then teh real HELL starts... cutting weight. I am already fucking starving; ate small bowl bra cereal, 1 banana, chicken cesar fro lunch and small bowl pasta (turkey meat) fro desert. Weed for desert. yum.

Jake kickin ass!!!! :

4/21- FRIDAY!!!

2006-04-21T22:33:00.000-07:00

Last night's Mtn bike ride was very cool, headed up with Zeb and Dave (DD) and pushed it HARD. I find some outdoor training essential- I always leave the sick ass forest completely centered and free of stress, both mental and physical. Ate clean (meditaranean (sp)) wrap and 4 beers. I Was supposed to indulge in one but fate dealt me a gracious blow as I happened upon an old acquantience who has just purchased a local dance club called "Groove".....he extended an invitation to check it out and we did.. to do otherwise would have been just rude!

Friday, did a technical JJ session first. I focused on a very methodical, tight strategy, the goal of which will be to never compromise position and place constant pressure on my opponent (this will sound funny as hell if I get KTFO the first minute). Then I did 6, 30 second rowing hard sprints with 30 second rest intervals.

My weight isnt dropping at the rate is should be, I was 220 dry and 218 after- a loss of one lb. Probably the huge itallian dinner a week ago and some "hops" scattered throughout the week. Anyway, ate light lunch, said what up to Liz and called it a DJ day. DJ= the Daily Journal, my unauthorized sponsor and place of employment. THEN, already starving, went for a run around the Lafayette Reservoir...logged in the 2.8ish miles in :23::16. I can run all-out faster but I focused on explosive speed/recovery- bustin ass up all the hills at full speed then slow jogging in between.

Boxing at 10:00AM is the plan for Saturday. And f*ckng starving. Need to lose some serious weight in teh next 7 days (6 lbs.) Go Fletchy.

Let the COuntdown Begin (Bitches)!!!

2006-04-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

4/14 THURSDAY- still a bit blasted from last night. Taught Jiu Jitsu to some students and the frogmen…rolled a bit and did the usual Muay Thai grueler, rounds and rounds……and rounds. Thousands of legs and fists a flyin. Rapped with Royce Gracie a bit… had a great conversation…out. Was 218 after workout. Sweet. Rested in evening. Vital energy= crap.

5/15 FRIDAY!- I made it! Weighed in at 221 BABY!! Give or take. Did light, technical grappling session and explosive rowing workout (500/500/300/300 SPRINTS). I am fucking sick of the gym, dinner and flick with Elizabeth sounds awesome. And some lovin for good measure. Ate granola, and chicken cesar so far and I am fucking starving. And GR, yeah I know "dinner and movie" is so fucking suburban, kitsch, lame, non beatnik and way North American. But I love it so save it my bearded hombrelito. I am going to have a coupls FUCKING BEERS! Win or Lose, I need the brewwwwwwww!

5/20/06- Monday I didn't do squat, it felt very good. I felt like crap and was all mucucy, not good. Tuesday I did a nice hour- long mtn. bike ride with Zeb and the new neighbor Jeff. Jeff is a cool cat and I look forward to learning rock climbing from him after the fight. Wednesday back in action, did hill sprints in Berkeley hills ad nauseum. Went with Liz and I was stoked at how well she kept up, I did a nice 2-3 mile warm-up and flew up all the hills faster than shit. She was shocked by the beauty and diversity of this enchanted land that nature hath bestowed upon us….. what the fuck did I just type???

Oh, I found out that Steele, MT, GR and SuperDave are making the trek up for the fight! Likely Jason, Dave and perhaps a handful of other comrades have expressed interest as well. Not to mention Jake and Todd from the Daily Journal! Given the distance and obscurity of this event, I am very moved (in the lower G.I. region especially) by the level of support I am receiving. Kick ass friends make for kick ass carnage!!!

Thursday I taught Jiu Jitsu for Jake (he called me last night from Hawaii and asked. I gladly obliged). I then did 4 solid grappling rounds from standing and concentrated on not losing position or taking bottom. Did very well ad rolled into standup. Same Same. 3 rds shadow, 3 on pads, 60 kicks, 50 knees, some footwork and ab lab….Photo Todd (Daily Journal) was there to document the standup and my slightly improved physique…I will grab some shots from him for my blog when I can. Tonight I will hit an hour Mtn. bike ride to get my cardio and fat burning in. Damn, I feel great but great enough??? I will know in just over 2 weeks. I fell 3-4lbs behind the weight loss schedule but I can make it up. I was 218 after the workout and 222 before…. Wanted to be 217-218 by tomorrow and 213 by next Friday. If I was 22 I would be way more motivated I guess but I am not doing too bad…. Or am I?

Mental state: I dream of fighting every night, cant help it. It crosses my mind every more than sex (every 3-5 seconds!). Much like Spears and tequila. I always win in these dreams, knock on wood. I find myself not as nervous to fight as to get the process over with regardless of the outcome (Bruce Lee style). And I like beer. A lot. John Wayne, Steven Segall, Jackie Chan, James Dean, James Bond, etc- these guys don't fucking train; they show up and kick fucking ass!

Look, I really am training!!!

2006-04-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hump Day From Hell

2006-04-13T00:19:00.000-07:00

4/12 WEDNESDAY- So…. For the past several days, there has been a group of 5-6 very tough looking guys visiting from out of town….very tough looking indeed. Well anyway, I have been tapping them out as any hometown ninja would do. So today after another grueling AM workout (details to follow), I asked where they were from and one fellow responded "We are visiting from Virginia Beach…" well right then I put 2 and 2 together (5) and knew they were SEALS. Not just any SEALS, but the elite covert operatives from SEAL TEAM 6! I recognized this by the fact that their beards, longer hair and that "yep, I've killed….more than once" look in their eyes. We shot the shit for a while and compared experiences (I was stationed on Little Creek, VA. special operations base and an EOD Diver) and went on with our days. It feels gratifying to be able to tell my grandkids that I choked out a SEAL unit with my bare hands (and legs I my case) and be 100% honest- lol! In all reality, they are killing machines that could likely slit my throat in my sleep at will, BUT that's not what happened on this day- lol! Its funny how "sport-specific" fitness can be- I know that SEALS are very, very well conditioned athletes but in the context of Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu, they were all huffin and a puffin J . Its very cool that the Navy pays for these guys to fly across the nation fro a week intensive course the most effective hand 2 hand combat training. I digress… so I worked with James and 1:00, did the usual- 4 rounds shadow boxing, then did 4 rounds on the heavy bag. All the training with James follows the same theorem; basic, strong defensive and direct, effective combinations. Things like slap to the ear and leg kick, jab right, kick, circle, etc. Very cool stuff. We got into sparring drills as well, very basic, common scenarios that teach the involuntary systems to react. Things like blocking and returning firs (call and response)- all basic, as I have no time to get fancy. Every workout with James Cook is demanding- we only rest 30 seconds in between rounds and we do 10 pushups during the rest periods! I am starting to feel another level of "lungs" as I am able to push hard for over an hour! I need to sprint to increase my VO2 max, whatever that means. I am on track (give or take) as far as bodyweight, probably 221 or 222. By Friday I need to be at 221 but 219 would KICK ASS! I will train again tonight (MMA/Grappling) with Jake and I feel up for it…. I think…. Man, I can't wait to spend all weekend with Liz. At the risk of getting mushy, this chick fucking rocks! She is laid back, beautiful, smart, hilarious and just as weird as me. I am happy on all levels at present. Thanks to whoever's listening upstairs for that.

But wait, theres more....I went to the 7:00 PM MMA class in SF and got the worst beating to date! After a brief but intense warmup, I did a few rounds of grappling and was called over by Jake to train MMA. JAke is "peaking" now for his world totle tourney in HAwaii next week (Rumble on teh Rock) and is in total kill mode. Mind you, this was after rolling with Giant Travis, some other huge guy and Gilbert Melendez (ranked 2nd in the World and likely the galaxy). So Jake proceeds to elbow, punch and knee every meaty spot on my svetle frame for 3 rounds. Add some chokes and armbars and you get a recipe for fun! So I am thinking "fuck, I survided, way to go Fletch!" and Jake makes me do 3 more rounds against the cage with Fresh opponents which included a giant angry guy and an accomplished fighter called Moses Baca who sports tattos on his neck, a tell-talle sign of an individual not to be fucked with. Ate a shitty salad and now I'm going to pass out. Please, God let the saying be true: "The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in the fight." Fuck Spell Check, sorry but I am done!

Off The Deap End

2006-04-13T00:17:00.000-07:00

4/11 Tuesday. Had a great workout, blah blah but first, check out the injury list thus far: 2 shiners, sprained ankle, one broken toe, sprained or broken fingers (2), jacked up elbow, bruised rib(s), sore jaw. Slept in (need those 9 hrs/day you know). Went right into 3-4 rounds of grappling, 4 rds of takedowns and then a marathon with James cook, like 3 rds shadow boxing, 4 rds pad work, 3 rds on heavy bag, 60 kicks on heavy bag, then sparring drills (3 rounds), THEN a round of non-stop ab work! FUCK!!! But, the harder I train, the luckier I get. Saw Royce Gracie in the gym, pretty cool. Man, this guy James is THE MAN, full of positive reinforcement and great strategy. THE MAN. I guaran-fuckin-tee that I will take tonight off…and feel great about it. James had agreed to do 3-4 days/week with me up until the fight. This will result in the FletchTerminator. Wait, that would mean terminating myself…..er…… the Fletch2000? Fletch 2.0, FletchMachine, FletchHechy??? I am punch-drunk. Poopie doopie. Nipples. Ass.

3.5 Weeks LEFT- Cookin With Gas Baby!!!

2006-04-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

4/3 Monday- Did the AM grappling. Weight: 226 (OUCH!).Worked on getting out of bad positions when getting blasted in the ribs. And the face. Then did rowing machine sprints (800/500/300/200/100) with Jake yelling in my ear. I actually did Ok, was only a few seconds of his times in all sets. I was very sore from the long run yesterday and the rowing made me want to puke. I am glad I had a partner, as there’s no way I would have pushed myself that hard solo. Had Parkie doodle (my son) at work so met Lizz for some Chicken Katsu at the tempura whatever joint. Sometimes I get weirded out because she’s such a sweetheart… what’s the catch? I am grateful for her because I know that chicks seldom list “guys with kids out of wedlock” on their “must have’s fro a dream guy” list. dream guy. Geeze she is sweet. Man, I am sore. Went home, made a light crap dinner (pot pie) and enjoyed some wine. And 5 cigarettes. This will ensure that my lungs can perform at less than ideal oxygen levels.

4/4 Tuesday- Slept in, got to training around 11:30 and jumped right in. Did 7 HARD rounds of Jiu Jitsu with different opponents. Started from standing position to simulate the challenge of avoiding and/or performing takedowns. I did very well, no matter how tired I felt I listened to the inner voice that said; "push it!" and it worked. James Cook was there and right after Jiu Jitsu we did 4 rounds of shadow boxing, then 3 rounds of pad work. The sequence is consistent with each workout: focus on defense, basics, uses my great reach to set up stiff jabs, straights and kicks. After 3 rounds (14 including grappling and shadow boxing), I didn't feel that winded! Then we did the routine 60 kicks on the heavy bag, then hundreds of ab exercises…My recovery is improving, as I am ready to start each round fresh. This guy really uses positive reinforcement to make me work hard. I am developing significant power…. hopefully I will get to use it in the fight! Having completed the grappling and Muay Thai, I will likely CHILL tonight and try to eat clean and not smoke/drink. My mental state fluctuates on a daily bases, from warrior to weakling, based on how closely I deviate from, or STICK TO the plan. I watch a lot of fights and visualize constantly… I know I have the tools to do this. I have trained nearly every day for 3 years!!!! But emotion eclipses logic and the "fight" concedes to the "flight" sometimes. As of Thursday I will be 4 weeks out, when will I fucking put 100% into training? I have to quit making excuses and train as if my opponent is Tito Ortiz. I feel great but in 3 weeks I need to be a lean machine. Mediocrity is much worse than doing this fight; maintain focus on what you are training for. Poontang!!!! Not really. One more thing- I need to watch some Rocky movies n shit to get fired up…..

4/5 Wednesday- Went to MA session and did some Jiu Jitsu worm-up followed by 4 rounds of MMA with new opponents. I did very well, didn't get too winded! Jake was yelling positive demands so I pushed it the entire time. BUT, he tricked me! He was yelling "last round" so I gave all I had for 5 minutes and THEN he said "good job man, now lets do a rowing workout.!! BASTARD!! He had me do 6, 30/30 (seconds/rest) intervals. This made me want to puke but I gave it all I had as he was, once again, yelling superlatives in my ear. Went home and CHILLED, ate and conked out.

4/6 Thursday- Still 226 after breakfast…. um, one month out, time to shift gears… YIKES!!! I did some Jiu Jitsu and photographer Todd came in to shoot my standup session with James Cook, only it never happened, he showed up with 5 stitches above his eye from sparring (he forgot to use Vaseline on his face- a tried and true cut avoidance tactic). He invited me to train Saturday, which I will definitely do instead. So instead of standup, I had the privilege of doing 3, 5-minute MMA rounds with JAKE SHIELDS. Jake is training for the Rumble on the Rock WORLD TITLE in just 2 weeks. He will likely face Trigg in the finals and I think he will whup his ass! I actually did OK, tapped 2 or 3x and got a black eye, BUT he said he was pushing the pace and I never "broke." Once again I was pooped and dizzy so I opted to go home, invite buddies over for "ultimate fight night live" and have 3 beers. Fuck, now I have 4 weeks to drop 15. Doable…I think.

4/7 Friday baby!- slept in a bit and went to AM session. Worked with Travis, huge black belt guy with tons of MMA and Jiu Jitsu knowledge. I worked on my strengths (guard, sweeps, elbows and knees). Had a decent workout that ended with a hellish series of rowing intervals. 500/400/300/200/100. Did ok, one was there yelling at me but I still pushed hard and ended up retching on the floor…I know I should go kick box tonight but I just don't fucking feel like it so there. What a paradox- I am training harder than I have since I was 19 and its 40% les than I should be doing. I need to train Saturday and run Sunday and get into the 2x daily workouts for the next 3.5 weeks or I won't get there (weight). I know what I need to fucking do, just do it!!!!!

4/8, 4/6 WEEKEND! Ok, now we made some notable progress. After a mellow Friday evening, I woke up Saturday feeling great! Took Parkeeto back to SF on BART (poor fella, spent his spring break watching me train and on trains in the rain.) Showed up for noon MMA class, did 30 minutes of takedowns, than guard passing with strikes, then some MMA rounds, THEN Gilbert had be do 2 more MMA rounds…. Urghh!!! To my surprise, I felt GREAT! I tapped a black belt Dave Meyers, then went with 250lb. Rich something or other and whupped ass one more. Left the session at 219!!! Water weight but I think I am 3-4 down. Ate clean all weekend. Hung with Liz, wrassled nakkid, roamed the yuppie avenues, went on a great hikeHad 4 beers Sunday, not a big deal….

4/10 MONDAY! Urgghhhhh, hard to wake up, but made it to the Daily Planet by 09:00. Ate some Berkeleyesque healthy kashi bran cereal that tasted like tree branches and tam bark….cup o java and a light Cesar/chicken salad for lunch (can you say fucking cheese steak please?!?!?!) Trained at 11:30, after I was exhausted, had o roll with 2, 210 lb. guys that were strong as oxes…tapped one with triangles and other was neutral. Then did rows 500/400/300/200/100 sprints…. Felt better than ever. When you are about to do something that you know will make you nauseous, you have to disconnect mind from body and just project yourself forward to the point in time when the workout is over and you feel great about yourself, however light-headed you might be. Easier said than done but I am finding that once suffering becomes a habit, its easier to take one for the team (er, uh.. yourself). I am much like a battered wife in this way I guess. Lol! Oh yeah- the coolest part- I weighed 223 before my workout and 219 after!!! Woo hooo!!!! I set some target weights in weekly increments leading up to the fight: 4/14- 221 lbs, 4/21- 217 lbs, 4/28, 213 lbs. Let’s see how close I can come!

Um......When's The Fight Again?

2006-04-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

3/28/06 Tuesday- I woke up extremely sore, stuck to the clean diet and went to the 11:30 session. I grapple 4 rounds and run into my second lucky break; James Cook, a world champion kick boxer at Fairtex is training in grappling (future MMA plans?) and agrees to train me on Tuesdays/Thursdays in Muay Thai in exchange grappling work. I did 4 warm (shadow boxing) rounds, followed by 4 rounds of pad work. I could immediately tell this guy is an expert as he immediately gears my training to my lanky body and need to learn enough to survive within 6 short weeks. I focus on the basics; stance, keeping my hands up, pivoting etc and leave this intense session with a “light at the end of the tunnel” feeling. I have a long way to go, but at least now I have a road map!

3/29/06 Wednesday- Chilled with Liz last night in SF, made an early dinner (chicken and rice) and got some R&R (after an amazing…never mind). Had a light breakfast, coffee, oatmeal and banana. Went to Jiu Jitsu, at 11:30 and did 3-4 hard rounds starting from standing position. Jake was motivating me to keep moving and I did well against 3 opponents. Ate side sales and chicken sando for lunch. For some reason, my mindset has started to turn fro the better, probably because I haven’t been punched since Monday.

3/30 Thursday- I worked with James Cook and recruited a few other fighters that have fights coming up. I feel very privileged, as James is an extremely talented fighter and trainer. I think he sees the explosive growth of MMA, even eclipsing kickboxing and wants to compete. Luckily, he will have to develop his Jiu Jitsu and this is where I come in. Back to the training….we did 4 solid rounds of pad worked and focused on effective MMA combinations (striking to set up clinches, knees and takedowns). I feel my defense getting better. Oddly enough, James feels that you don’t need to spar hard before a fight, rather work on second-nature techniques that will carry you through the fight. I am skeptical of this as I think you should train like you fight and I need to become more familiar with getting whupped on. Anyway, I slacked Thursday night fro no good reason. Not only did I skip the evening kickboxing, but I went out with Dave and Jason for “a quick game of pool” that ended in taking a cab home at 4:00 AM from an unknown street in an unknown town in which my method of getting there was……yep- unknown.

3/31 Friday- This was one of the most productive days yet! I woke up at 8:30 drooling on my couch, infomercial piercing my brain, checked my work email and went to sleep until 2:00 PM. Woke up. Ate. Slept. Went to dinner and Mr. Lucky’s for a quick drink. Got home at 2:00AM. Repeat. “Put me in coach- nothing can stop me now!” It’s funny how an athlete’s (and my own) confidence level maintains proportion with effort. Friday I felt like a complete piece of crap and was determined to turn this bus around Saturday and I did just that…

4/1, 4/2- Weekends! After a nice long slumber, I grabbed a train to SF for a beer and oyster festival- I mean, it is Saturday after all- the day I get to “cheat” a bit, slack on my diet and break away from the monk-like regimen I have been subjecting myself to for the last week. Liz rode back with me and we actually played it cool, nice dinner and retired early. Sunday, woke up and we did a 4.5 mile run! Yes, we woke up and ran. I am so back in training now, a well tuned FletchMachine. Look out! Cant walk, should have ran 1 mile and increased distance daily but the middle ground is for wussies. Whether it’s beer or miles, “one” as not a number I can relate to. No worries, I have 5 weeks left to turn up the gas….why do in 6 what you can in 5?

rock star redux

2006-04-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

No Pain... No Gain

2006-04-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

You should have seen the other guy!

Ayyyy YA!

2006-04-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

The Beginning

2006-03-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

So about two weeks ago, I agreed to compete in my first professional (professional meaning only that I get paid a stipend to risk my life for the pleasure of a few hundred bloodthirsty onlookers), Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) cage fight. My eagerness to experience this rite of passage presents several critical problems: 1. I need to lose about 26 lbs. in 6 weeks (the fight is May 6th). 2. Although I am moderately skilled in Jiu Jitsu (ground fighting), I am fairy crappy at stand up fighting, especially the part where you get punched in the face. 3. I like to spend my evenings drinking beer and smoking cigarettes- neither of which practices can be found in many successful fighters' training strategies.

I can already picture D-dayÂIn what feels like just a few moments from right now, I will walk down an isle flanked by the screams of the crowd, forcing myself to not only keep walking toward the cage but actually be locked inside it with an angry fellow who intends to deliver me from consciousness by any means possible, as quickly, even brutally as possible. The cage, consisting of a bold-stained mat surrounded by a wall of chain link fence just tall enough to prevent escape in the event that I should come to my senses, resembles a medieval torture device more than a sporting ring.

So why would I want to do such a thing? I mean, I am a pretty content, active guy. I have a great job, beautiful girlfriend, adorable 9 year old son, cool apartment, friends, etcÂ. all of the makings of a complete life... right??? One major factor is support and confidence from Jake Shields and Gilbert Melendez- these guys are world champion; complete machines and they tell me I am ready and should fight. I think in the back of my mind I want to be inside the inner circle or warriors that can only be accessed by stepping in the cage. These guys respect me now as I can hold my own in Jiu Jitsu but I don't want to look back and ask myself "what if." For the rest of my life- I am 33 now and it's now or never. The negative consequences of not fighting far outnumber those of stepping into the cage as far as I'm concerned. Another factor is all the hot chicks fighters get. Ok, not really, I have a gorgeous girlfriend that I can't believe I scored. It boils down to the rush one can only experience by doing the complete opposite all of your instincts tell you. I did this when I was younger as Explosive Ordnance Diver in the Navy and it charged my life with a level of confidence and satisfaction that has surely changed me forever. I also understand that the only poor direction a person can take in life is none at all. I see the logical as illogical. The mid-western system of work at the factory, watch reality TV, go to bed, repeat, etc. seems like a slow predictable death. So it's on and it's up to me to get in shape, both physical and mental and become the FletchMonster for one night, a night that will surely change my life but hopefully not my skeletal structure.

My Baseline before deciding to fight last week consisted of 5 days /week Jiu Jitsu and a few nights of mountain. biking- I wasn't in the worst shape. Last week I started "stepping" up the training; I added night workouts and started watching what I ate. However, I still enjoyed a few beers and cigarettes (2-3/night).

I see the light (over there)

2006-03-28T10:11:00.000-08:00

I woke up extremely sore, stuck to the clean diet and went to the 11:30 session. I grapple 4 rounds and run into my second lucky break; James Cook, a world champion kickboxer at Fairtex is training in grappling (future MMA plans?) and aggress to train me on Tuesdays/Thursdays in Muay Thai in exchange grappling work. I did 4 warm (shadow boxing) rounds, followed by 4 rounds of pad work. I could immediately tell this guy is an expert as he immediately gears my training to my lanky body and need to learn enough to survive within 6 short weeks. I focus on the basics; stance, keeping my hands up, pivoting etc and leave this intense session with a "light at the end of the tunnel" feeling. I have a long way to go, but at least now I have a road map!

Back at it

2006-03-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

Monday. WEIGHT: 227 (right where I started). WEIGHT LOST: O.lbs.. I put the .1 in there for positive reinforcement. Ok, time to get cracking! 6 weeks starts now, no more ramp-up! I started the day with a healthy whole grain cereal and a cup of coffee. I wait until 10:00 and eat a small oatmeal as they say that consuming small meals every 3 hours increases your metabolism. "They" had better be right. I hit the usual 11:30 Jiu Jitsu session and start with 2, 500 meter rowing sprints after a brief warm-up. I average around 1:40 per interval, not bad although I should do 5 sets on Tuesday and Thursdays (easier days), as Mondays and Wednesdays are harder in terms of number and intensity of training sessions. After the Rowing warm-up, I do 3 rounds of light MMA sparring with a smaller (185Lbs) partner. I finished with ground and pound training where I always start in a bad position and have to work my way out. I left tired but feeling good. I ate a carnitas burrito, dehydrated and took some supplements (just a multi, glucosimine, and omega 3's. Also some greens from Trader Joe's. At 5:30 I start the evening Muay Thai with Dan Black at Cesar's place in Pleasant Hill. Oh man, this one sucked. It was "heavy sparring" night. After 3 rounds of jumping rope and 3 rds of bag work (combinations), I get into the ring, all padded up, ready for the inevitable- great strikers exposing my fear and lack of experience and technique in the form of sharp pain and bodily injury. I get dropped 3 times, think I may have a broken jaw but don't want to seem like a "wuss", and my legs hurt so bad from being kicked and kneed that I have to muster all of my focus to pretend to walk out of there like a man. Oh, but only after a hundred jumping squats, pushups and sit-ups…. I talk with Dan and he tells me its all in the mindset. "You'd have to grab that metal pole over there and whack me a few times in the head and maybe I would go down…just tell yourself you aren't goin' down" I feint understanding and leave. I get home and have a glass (or 3) of wine. I know it's bad but I just went through a voluntary ass beating! I know that I have to get through these sessions in order to win the fight. I went through a similar process with Jiu Jitsu and I know that nothing will replace hours in the ring. I also believe that my mindset will change as I become a machine designed to dismantle another human being. But now, I find myself avoiding death 100% of the time. I need to be more aggressive and spar a lot, as much as it SUCKS!

Weekend - Miller Time!

2006-03-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

My allocated "cheat day" which was Saturday was extended on both ends to include Friday and Sunday. Pizza. Beer. Wine. Cigarettes. The "Why are you doing this" guy on one shoulder was overruled by the "Dude, you busted ass last week, let's show our body we appreciate the hard work!" guy. I am hoping that each training session strengthens the positive inner voice while muting the other. Hoping.

Day One and Two

2006-03-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

On Monday and Tuesday I did the usual 11:30 Jiu Jitsu classes, as I knew Wednesday would be a killer and I knew that the first week had to be a "ramp up" period, as increasing my training by 400% would result in injury or soreness at best. Wednesday was a KILLER! This day was the first of any inevitable "reality checks" that I am sure to endure. I did a daytime (12:30) Muay Thai kickboxing/conditioning session with Dan Black (one of my trainers in Concord at Cesar Gracie's famous GRACIEFIGHTER gym.) This 2-hour session involved several rounds on bag work, pad work and sparring, followed by a grueling conditioning segment that lasted 6 hours (at least in my mind it did). Even the "light sparring" quickly revealed my discomfort in getting hit and reluctance to hit back- is that so wrong??? I left 10 lbs lighter feeling defeated and questioning my motivation and mettle. Ouch. Then to top off the day, I took an hour rain ride to San Francisco and endure an hour of Jiu Jitsu grappling with several very skilled grapplers and fighters. Dead. Done. For Thursday and Friday I backed off a bit and did the 11:30 AM Jiu Jitsu training in SF and some rowing machine sprints. Jake and Gilbert bought a nice rowing machine after training on one with Chuck Liddell and I agree with them it's a bitch! It is a very effective form of conditioning and it simulates fighting as it demands us of both aerobic and anaerobic systems. I did a 500/400/300 interval, 3 in total and logged a decent time. I spent the rest of the session grappling to exhaustion. After The first week, I felt a level of fatigue and soreness I have never experienced. My legs hurt from squats, lunges, rowing, knees and kicks. My neck hurts 24/7. My muscles are sore. My mind says "Dude, miller time!"

Derrr....

2006-03-21T10:32:00.000-08:00